Walking Under the Sun.. Goodbye 2016

Well I could have chosen a better heading for the last post of the year... but this was the best I could come up with. The tone of the post should have been dramatic but unfortunately the only tone I know best is sarcasm. (Can't really help)

This year has typically been very different from all the other years in my life till date. Being one of the most boring people to being categorised a fun loving person trying new things is what would define it. I could have been easily labeled as the oldest Indian who never went to Goa (which will not happen anymore).The sun shone bright for me, I had to keep my glasses on continuously. The year went too fast with little or no time for me to breathe, with the constant ups and downs, the introspection, the learning...

Achievements for the year: 

1. Went on a trek (learnt that eating before going on a trek is the stupidest you can ever be)

2. Started wearing shorts (don't judge me, I don't look bad)

3. Got a new job (showed my middle finger to the last one)

4. Met a few exciting souls through the year (a few excellent ones to give me company any time, I hope they know its them)

5. Became officially Maa Paromita (Adviser, friend, philosopher with no non sense accepted... learnt a lot about self doing so)

6. Started girl's night outs with the lady of the hour (Yes, it is you babe... Love you a lot! A great lot of things I learn from you everyday because you helped me look at myself better... 2017 awaits much more)

7. Went to Goa (Yes, finally I did go to Goa and that too a girls trip, details already shared previously)

8. A few more which I don't want to jinx for sure...

Targets for 2017:

1. Travel more- start the bucket list kyuki zindagi na milegi dobara

2. Listen more- if only somebody will make me do that

3. Talk less- don't open your mouth till necessary

4. Spend time with people who matter... subject to they want to do that too....

5. Get rid of things not needed- difficult but OLX kab kaam aayega

Note: Just hope that I don't turn a bhalu walking under the sun next year... Indian sun... damn!!!

Number 6 was my biggest achievement this year for sure...

Mind Games... Errr no Brain vs Me

Today I felt that I should write and so I did start writing. This is probably the 6th or 7th time I have deleted everything& started again. I still don't know whether this one would make any sense either or it would also be one of the deleted never read versions of what I feel or what I want to write. For the past few days my brain has been playing games with me. Let's say it tells me to talk to someone and within the next two minutes it would just refuse to take the conversation ahead, well it is totally non-sense behaviour and cannot be accepted but how do I fight my own damn brain. Or maybe say lets go for a walk and by the time I reached the ground floor with my damn slow lift, fuuuussss the idea already vanished. Are you serious why in the first place did you think that you will just make me do the work till this point even. I don't know how many of you have faced it but trust me it is not an easy  job to handle the brain which doesn't listen to you. The write and delete phenomenon is also one of the gifts.

Yeah mostly you will see me coming across as an arrogant bitch when you meet me, because my brain refuses to process that there is a part of me which can be just nice & simple. But we don't like simple, we just love complications. If I am awkward when I talk to you after a long time or worse meet you, my brain wears the sunglasses and goes on vacation. Ask my friend how difficult it is to follow what I say sometimes because now we decided to be over active and pull all the possible information regarding world war to world peace and throw it at once. You not only listen but follow and reply to the current question because you already missed the chance of talking about the last topic I was talking about. I ask to stop, it will look like a show off.. then the tough choice is given to me by my brain, decide whether you want me to work or not. I ask once more is there no better way out where we open our mouths only when needed and still act smart. The deal's off... no more discussions.

Note: Today the brain already decided to put a full stop here... you don't try playing games with me it said. I understand totally if you hate this post because I can hate it myself.

I love you

Dear Friend,

I met you long time back & I am so happy that you are still there. Maybe we don't talk to each other everyday, we don't go for movies, we don't meet for years altogether but you are still there in my life. I am so happy that this has happened because we have crossed the difficult hurdle of friendship to be still together. 

I agree that I am not the same anymore, neither are you. We have grown & evolved because that is what life is all about. You might have loved me that day for being who I was then. But trust me the new version X.0 is maybe a little better than the old version. Don't be afraid to ask me to know me for I understand that you might find me different and difficult at times too. But when it happens don't leave me. I understand you have changed too, you met new people, went to new places and I was not there. Remember that I am also scared at times that I have lost the friend I had loved earlier. I won't leave you I will learn to love the new you, try to find the better of the worlds.

I am learning to be a better person, maybe I am not always right, I want you to tell me when you see me on the wrong road because that's what friends are for. Don't stop calling me to tell me what an idiot I am, because I don't tell you that I love you for telling me that. I will not stop texting you randomly because I miss you and I so want to be with you then. I am just so happy that you are still there by my side even when I don't tell you how much I love you.

Yours Truly

Bhaag Bhaag DK Bose

As our high energy trip was on its last day, we had to come back to Mumbai. Yes we were very optimistic getting a trip by train but as usual we were nowhere near a confirmed ticket. Searching through IRCTC aimlessly helped us this time & we got a train ticket at 21.30 at night, and that too confirmed😍😍😍. Now lets come back to our last day in Goa. 

The day was kept for the most important thing namely water activities and never dying interest in Palolem beach. We start early and have an awesome breakfast at Britto's, Baga. I know all who know the place would already be 😋😋😋. I did post the pic for reference. Now after we were full and ready to carry on with the day we started exploring on the list of activities we wanted to do. Now as you get lot of unwanted faltu information from lot of people, I had come to know that it is very cheap which I disagreed then too but what to do when that person is your brother. Now, ofcourse all the activities were not possible so we chose parasailing out of the lot. It was seriously super fun & not funny like usual things prefer to happen to me. Now. the upselling of services happen when you are in mid-sea but like good smart people we escaped the drill.

We actually thought that we might not actually come here for a second time & lets try the bumper ride which was priced OK, I mean ₹600 for two is decent. And I had a plan to not get wet (don't give the looks, sometimes you just overthink). The bumper ride was actually super awesome and once the boat reaches mid sea, we are given an offer we can't refuse... He told us that he will give us another few minutes of ride and also take us to an island where lot of things happened and said that it would cost only ₹3000/- for two. How cost effective right?? We refused but as we could see we were kind of trapped mid-sea with not much choice (I don't know how to swim too, FYI). He asked us to quote a price, and thinking that we should quote something which he would refuse we quoted 1000 for two, that's like 33% of the original quote. To our surprise after a few minutes he agreed to the price, then we actually realised ki dal me kuch kala nhi, poori dal hi kali hai. He gave us 2-3 rounds in the sea & then showed us the island from approx a mile away, Dhoom ki shooting hui thi yahan madam. I only wanted to say aa pani k bahar dikhati hun tujhe shooting. That was not it, when near the sore they asked me to jump into the water which was neck deep, and on my refusal he pulled me down... Yay!!!

Well, the next leg or the last one as we say is the trip to Palolem. It was a trip on its own nevertheless, as all of you know our near miss to Palolem, we had planned it now. Our planned trips are also most unplanned it seems. We start for Palolem, with an auto ride to Panjim where the buses ply to Madgaon & from Madgaon there was a bus to Palolem. At 2 as we started we thought we would eat at Panjim as if we leave the auto getting another one will be problem. Oh yeah, the scooty was given back to the owner safe and sound. We reached Panjim at around 2.45 looking at that I was very confident we would reach the beach by 5. Another two hours is the max it should take, and we skipped food, to stick to the time. Madgaon by 3.30 was awesome and made me confident that it was happening, only to realise the bus plying from there was actually too local stopped as frequently as very 5 mins for 5 mins. So the journey became a long one, we even checked the sunset time and realised that day why it was ever written in the newspaper everyday at all. Just 1.5 km from the beach the bus took the longest halt possible, 20 min and that was it, alas. I got down and took a sunset photo as I thought again the sunset will never be seen at the beach by us. As we entered Palolem after that tiring 4 hrs journey I decided, I would just run with the luggage in hope to see the last glimpse. I did run & after I reached I literally wanted to kill every person who ever told me that it was a beautiful beach. It was as ordinary as possible and all the trouble taken for the last two days to reach there seemed so fruitless. The only thing I could think in those minutes was at least we did do this we did reach (so that we can tell everyone else also to go there)... kyunki Zindagi na milegi dobara.

Chase the Sun

The scooty which we had almost lost was still in our custody, so I was happy & relieved. It was Day 2 and we had tattoos on our necks, the idea was to do everything we can. Even when it meant a temporary tattoo, with traumatising the guy with my most irrelevant questions "Bhaiya kab tak hatega" "Nahi hatega to kya karein" and what not, he had patience because I'm pretty sure that he would have thought "Are madam itna tension hai to kyu karwana hai". Well did get the tattoos and now I needed to make sure that it was visible, tough work. 😕😕😕

The second day had lot of things on hold for us so we started early, well who wakes up at Goa at 7 in the morning we did. Got ready, ate (always an important part) and we started for Fort Aguada. The Hindi movies have definitely played very integral roles in our lives and I am pretty sure the place is famous because of Dil Chahta Hai's candid shot nothing else could be placed to be more important. But being shutterbug crazy we clicked pics around every nook and corner of the very small fort. And every time we decided to click some place where there was nobody we did send silent invitation to people with DSLRs to click. Tried jumping over the rocks to get the best pic as we unfortunately we were only two people and the third person was missing for the Dil Chahta Hai click. I infact gave an idea that we could hire someone for that hour for the pics. And yes while moving out of the place two guys asked us to click and we did vice-versa, they tried a conversation with us which we had no interest and they also lost interest once they knew we were from Bombay (I like to still call it that over Mumbai), reasons were unknown at that time but we realised by the next day though.

The next stop was the one which my parents had suggested (Yeah they came to Goa before me)😏😏😏. The dolphin trip which we had just agreed to because it was too sunny & we will at least have a boat ride. Like always when you least expect something to happen I think it is bound to happen & as we were talking random shit (which we keep doing all the time & still not get bored) somebody shouted dolphins, according to the friend she did see a bit but I missed and I was like f**k it would be just the ripples and people just want to be happy (that was a way to console yourself when you are the only one who misses the important things). But God being really grateful they came up again & then again. It was possibly the most happy moment of the trip, getting something without any expectation. Then again we had to fill our tummies and the idea was to go to Palolem for the sunset which approx 90 km far and was voted by lot of people we knew as the most beautiful beach in South Goa. 

Well we got late while eating you can call it fortunate or unfortunate whatever. And at 4.45 we realised we should not waste a second now. We start our scooty ride and decide Google is stupid and maybe we can beat it and reach just before the sunset. As adventurous one can get we started towards Palolem and when we had crossed Panjim around 5.30 some part of our brain told us we were in Goa and any beach would have just as beautiful a sunset we could expect. Palolem was not happening tonight so lets check the nearest beach and Vasco it was. We are just going and Google told us to take the hilly road, though being skeptic I still decided that, it could be the best as we had no clue about why, where, how... After some time what we could is the airport and not the beach. 

We chased the sun but couldn't catch it at the right place and it was smirking at us saying "See Dude, I would look the best today and you won't catch me at the right place and only chase me".

We Almost lost it...

Now officially we were in Goa. Well it took me 30 years to reach there, so I was just happy it happened. Knowing most of you all would have been there and realised you need to know to ride a scooty because the local taxi & auto walas decide that they can loot us even when you are an Indian. We were able to negotiate a bit and reach the hotel, motel, guesthouse or whatever it was. Tired but excited we just take our turns to get dressed, was difficult to choose with the loads of clothes we carried with us.

First things first, hire a scooty, thankfully I had a rider as I'm just a good pillion :). We took the scooty & went for lunch or brunch or just a lot of food, we were hungry remember didn't get food earlier. We just needed a lot of food now to satisfy our hearts. The menu was pre-decided to be no chicken menu, when in Goa just eat lot of fish, prawns and all those sea creatures you get on your plate. Now the day had to start with the religious & historical trip because we knew if kept for later will never happen.

We started for Basilica, it was my idea as usual because I just don't want people telling me ever 'Are how could you miss this'. After some shitty derouting by Google we did reach. I just feel Google has this love of misguiding me trying to save a minute of my life & on the way both the rider & pillion were greeted by red dust spray, thanks to Google. I do still think it actually took us more time to reach with Google routes, well nothing else is even an option, Goa government decided that no point putting up signboards and wasting public tax money for the drunk drivers who won't be able to read the signs. Thankfully we still reached.

A lady came running to us trying to sell flowers & candles saying its auspicious, we did buy being very generous. We went in started looking at the inscriptions and feeling good. At times I still can't understand what I like so much about these old places which have lot of history, everything framed according to the historian who wrote the history, it is so biased. The tour was going good & it actually saved us from the scorching sun so we were more than happy. Also got a chance to try our hands on the camera, as somewhat I had already had a feeling that whatever was happening would make an excellent trip story. I needed every photo to keep my memories filled. We were moving to the museum next right opposite, had to save ourselves from the sun looking at our skin colour we could not afford to get tanned from Day 0. Once inside we realised we should just sit down for a while till the sun mellowed down and then what we were just missing parts of what was happening around us & most probably people looking at us thought we were head banging. Best part is we won't meet any of them again.

We started moving back to the scooty and the lady rider just stopped looking shocked, panicked I couldn't distinguish. No keys was all she said, being me I was like no that's not possible. We started searching the bag frantically and seriously there were no keys to be found. The other best possible could be the scooty itself, rushed to it only to find a man trying to give us parking slips instead of the keys. This would become the costliest trip of my life if we didn't find the keys is all that crossed my mind and I guess
the same for the lady. I won't give hope I thought & started tracing the route the we had taken & when we had walked half the way I almost had lost hope & the lady shouted I can feel something in my pocket. It was the flowers and candles were actually auspicious and the keys were found. We almost lost it... almost I said.

Go Goa Gone!!!

An eventful Goa trip just made me sit down on the laptop after along time & here I am with my first

2016 decided to give us a long weekend for Diwali, thank God and pray every year something like this happens. Well like everyone I also marked all the long weekends the moment the holiday list is circulated, actually just puts a smile immediately and makes the day for you. Wow Diwali you actually get 4 days to enjoy... now best is to plan a trip. The plan is just in my mind please mind it. Now it was July & I actually start asking my friend chalegi.. she is like yes all done. Trust me I remind her every week and she is like 'Arre it's here only'. I'm like OK I trust you on this, my first time there. It was start of October I was all happy for Durga puja, the vent which just makes all Bongs happy for some reason, I again ask her 'Babe tickets', She's like 'There's still a lot of time'. I somehow decide to check the travel options and realised we are stuck with the worst one, "BUS TRAVEL".

Now talking about a bus travel, the first fear is the one to pee at a dark shady dhaba which would be stinking. Don't drink enough water has to be the strategy. The next scare are our superb roads, I don't know what have we be doing since 1947, practically in the last 80 years we just forgot that one day we will need roads. So I shied away from the plan of travelling by road for 12 hours and told the lady that she should just take some reviews of places where we can go by train or maybe take my car.

It was a week to be Diwali and we have looked through all the portals for places near Mumbai. We practically chalked out all places. Almost there I thought but how is that even possible. It is the last day where we need a decision, at 10 pm we realise the places we decided were either not worth for 3 days to be spent or would need more torture than to reach Goa. That's when amidst laughter at 11 pm we pin Goa. We try our luck hard the next morning to get a train ticket, Tatkal, Premium Tatkal, Ladies quota, Second seating not a single option left, but we get is a ticket with a waitlist of 17 after some 6 hours. Once the tickets were booked lightning struck us, we were not at all prepared, I believe we were on the phone reminding each other what all had to be taken. We knew we were going, only thing was still not sure how. Cutting it short, our wishes were not granted and it was the dreaded bus journey. But like all smart people I trust on Google and checked for the route and tried to console myself saying it's a really good road.

All packed we start for the bus stop, looking at Diwali traffic we take the local. She was running late so just ducked on the ticket and asked me to get one. Once I reached the station I realised either its the train or the ticket, I opt for the train. So we started without tickets and we still managed most of other days the TC would be waiting right for us to greet with 'Ticket please'. Waiting for the bus turned out to be a torture and once we got onto the bus we were suddenly hungry and had no clue what to eat because our smartness superseded our common sense. Mumbai roads would not keep things simple ever and we started to crawl like a snail in the traffic. Well that was not the only problem the bus just halted for more than half an hour at Chembur and still the brain never suggested that we could buy food. The poor hungry people on their adventure to Goa it was. Like I said at the start why I hate bus travels, the third reason is availability of food. We just crossed the Mumbai circle and I felt the roads would pull out every thing from my stomach I ever had, I just wished Google just did some more research on Indian roads and ask our esteemed bus drivers which are the roads they prefer. It was that now we were going to Goa and the next morning as we jumped out of the bus, I could smell more adventure.

Keep reading for the rest of the adventures...

Phases of Friendship

You are who you are with!. The only choice of people you get to make in your life is your friends, I could have said your life partner but I'm sure most of you didn't have a choice in this country. Friends come in our life in different packages at different times. What matters is the time & place where the delivery is made. You met a lot of people throughout your life & some became friends. They might have become your best buddy at that time but today you hardly know what is happening in their lives. The truth is we change & everybody around us does. People who knew us 10 years back don't seem to be the same & neither do we us.

The phases of friendship start from knowing that person, to become buddies & then BFFs but wait that changed because you moved out of the city for a job maybe. The first few days & months may go by sharing every detail in your life & then it just suddenly stops. One of you doesn't have time, and the calls become weekly & then monthly. Sounds bad right! The worse hits when gets married, Oh God! I literally hated when people around me started getting married. I couldn't figure out why they won't be the same but trust me if anyone ever commits to you that we will be the same they are lying because the priorities change. It took a long time for me to come to peace with it because now I realise the other person needs to know their better halves & me being around or for that matter doesn't help. They just need it & once you accept it you can move on. 

Good friends don't call everyday but when they meet they start from right where they left. They actually are your BFFs, not being able to live without someone is a myth. Our human mind is made to forget & move ahead that's what keeps us alive. We promise things that we will always stay together without even knowing what it meant at that time but today I know that when I have to cry who I call & who to share the good news with. That's what friendship is, because that is the phase of friendship which stays the longest in our lives.

PS: This post is dedicated to all my friends who make a difference in my life today & will do it always.

The Shopaholic vs The Credit Card Bill

Oh God! that beautiful skirt with my white top would look just so pretty and look at this it is just a 1050 after discount. I really need that skirt, wait let me think which card do I use, shoot no!!! the credit card cycle will start tomorrow. Damn God why did you even bring me to the store if I cannot buy anything. The indecisiveness has already struck and God now I had to see the pretty stole at a steal price. This is just unfair, totally not done. Now I have to blame myself to accompany my friend to the sale. I had no intentions or need to buy anything but a sale this good should not go. All these retail companies have to start their sale only the day before my credit card cycle. It is like all the weddings & filmafare awards in the town happen only when you have your term exams. Nothing changed in all these years the world is still mean.

Well why only blame them my BFF (aka bitchiest friend forever) had to choose today to shop because she can't miss the damn 'preview sale', what is she Queen of England. And what the hell does her coochie coo BF do, why did he have to go out this weekend only. Top it, I agree to accompany her (just accompany because I don't need anything) and then I fall in love with the perfect peacock blue knee length ruffled skirt I wanted for so long. And this month the credit card bill is also at its peak high thanks to my unwarranted mobile purchase, the latest model with the HD video recording actually looked awesome and a 5000 extra didn't hurt then. Who knew the monsters would start the sale a week early, it was well planned. (Do plans ever work??? And the ones where you don't decide)

Now that I had the perfect skirt & the stole my eyes wondered if there was a matching belle shoes. And yeah how can I miss the perfect match to my dress, got it!!! Wait and the sling bag on the aisle can go with almost all my party dresses. Should I take it home today and bear another 4500 extra this month or I could just hold on to them through the night & buy them the next morning, as the sales guy already refused to keep it aside even after my cute smiles & the most "bechara" face. I could see all the people around eyeing my collection and I knew the moment I let it go someone would pounce at it and my perfect matches would vanish and tomorrow there would be no perfect matches, either the colour will not be the same or worst the size will not be there. 

All I needed was a little motivation to decide and I heard my BFF say "Wow that was the skirt you had been looking out for months". And I knew what to do....

Yours truly,

The Shopaholic

A day in Mr. Bose's Life

Mr. Bose woke up early on the chilly January morning and Rama, Mrs. Bose was already deciding the menu for the day. He got ready to go to the market with the list Rama had given him. On the way he met Mr. Ghosh and passed greetings "kemon achen dada" and rushed to pick up the ilish fish his wife would cook for dinner & pui saag for the ilish head to be cooked. He couldn't stop and smiled thinking about the awesome dinner. He rushed to the next store & picked up the rohu for the morning & lunch. It was already 6:30 and he rushes back home because Mrs. Bose would be waiting for him to return with the vegetables & fish to be cooked.

By 8:30 he was waiting at the dining table for Rama to serve the awesome smelling Rice, Masoor Dal, Phoolkaphir Tarkari & Rohu Kalia. While serving the food she tells him that their son Baban is becoming very naughty and the teacher was complaining about him, though busy eating he didn't pay heed. By 9 he realises it is very late and with the new biometric system or whatever it is he had to be in office by 10, now he would have to take a taxi to Esplanade. Like everyday the taxiwala is not ready to go and after a few refusals he finally got a taxi and he asked him to hurry but the traffic in Kolkata is just getting worse everyday. He also did not have enough time to read Anandabazar so he brought it with him and started reading but the Kolkata taxiwala will give the sudden jolt on the way, even after shouting a few times he decided against wasting his time to speak to him.

It was almost 10:03 when he reached office and he was thankful that it was allowed to be in the office by 10:05. He couldn't even puff his cigarette in all this hurry and now Mr Chatterjee (the boss) will be mad. Already the day started bad and now his boss will not even understand. Life was so good a few years back, with all technology and the new boys like Aniruddha & Sanjoy it is very difficult. Mr. Chatterjee shouted sitting in his cabin in between his thoughts "Bose, come inside...". He knew this meant some additional work but boss is boss what could he do. As usual Mr. Chatterjee told how inefficient he was and he could work on improving his speed. Also he gave him some work which he wanted by the evening which Mr.Bose knew was just to harass him. Now he needed a smoke because how can he work without that, it was the fuel for the brain to work. So, he goes down to have his smoke with a cha (tea) and then he joins the discussion on how Didi is the reason for their downfall, even when the discussion is just getting some heat he has to go because Chatterjee will take his case otherwise. Bill Gates could have just made the Windows without Excel & powerpoint, everything could have been just easy  but the man didn't understand that instead of making life easy he just made it tough for the mankind, the accounts has to be made in an excel sheet which didn't make any sense when it could be done so easily earlier. Today the elaborate lunch of Biriyani had to be given a miss because Chatterjee wanted this. So, Bose just skipped lunch and kept working, but the cigarette cannot wait and at 3 he did go for it with chai. The school kids were going back home and suddenly he remembered that his wife had said something about Baban, he would have to ask her again. He was working on the excel and couldn't figure why & how Aniruddha did it so easily, the phone rang and it was Rama telling him to get egg rolls for snacks from Poltu and reminded twice that not to get it from Jhoru as last time Baban fell sick eating that. He again worked on the excel & he could hear Chatterjee shouting at some more fellow colleagues and knew that it was a really bad day. At 5:30 he took the excel sheet to Chatterjee and forget appreciation he had to just hear him shout even more for not being able to work on the powerpoint. But thankfully he asked Sanjoy to do that & he could go home.

He took the 5:50 bus back home which was packed with no scope of even a finger moving & got down a stop before his stop to pick up the rolls, on the way he met Biswas who was a supporter of Mohun Bagan and now the topic would stick to last night's match where they made only one extra goal than East Bengal. But the East Bengal team gave way to people like Biswas to talk. So the next ten minutes had to be an argument but Mr. Bose cannot let is team down and fought till the very end. It only struck him that he was late when Rama started calling the cell. He ran home and there was the angry wife waiting for the snacks, how worse could the day get, the rolls were cold. He ate it with the tea his wife served & asked about Baban. Rama started Zee Bangla which Mr. Bose tried to protest with a feeble voice but he knew he would lose the battle for the remote so just stuck to know what his son upto. Then, she started with the whole story and he came to know that the next wouldn't be any easier because there was a parent call from their son's school and it was always his fault because he was his son.

So, that was Bose da's day and was not any different from any other day. He just wishes Rama is happy and Baban gets into IIT he couldn't clear JEE & all he became was an accountant. Bose Da will still wish that East Bengal wins and he can rub it on Biswas's face. Also it would be great for Bose Da if he can go by bus in the morning without much of rush.

(Note: All characters in the story are fictional and any resemblance with any living or dead person is sheer co-incindence, phaaking trust me it is all phiction...)

Let there be Peace

There are times when you knew this is it, this was everything you wanted and the next moment you had to let it go. You had to let it go because even when it was the best for you, it was still not for you. Every moment from there on becomes an internal fight within yourself to know if it was what you thought or you just missed on something. It is always easier if it was the second one because the answers are there but what when it is the first one. The feeling is strange and you would probably think through your life about it.

I realised the easy way out is to find a fault & blame someone because that is easier, it is an answer. When there are no answers it just is difficult, very difficult. Someone has beautifully written "you can always not be somebody's everything, you are sometimes just one summer, sometimes just a day & when they are gone you just wish you are their 'Remember when' & 'What if' or just 'I wish'.... but you have let go". I wish life can be simple and we could blame someone for everything.

Let go... for there would be peace!

All she wishes...

There are times when your heart beats fast, sometimes it feels good and the other times it feels scary. That day it happened again and she did not know whether it was good or bad. Was she scared or was it just anxiety hitting her like it hits everyone on their D-day. She tried to pace down her thinking, smiled at the guests, clicked pictures with people around and did all that she was expected to do. She was getting married and then all would have changed- a new house, new people actually everything new. Her mom, aunts & friends all said everyone felt like she did that day, but she didn't feel good.

She had met him two months back and their marriage was fixed. She was happy that she wouldn't have had to go through those profiles with baseless information about a person. She was happy that all the people who were more concerned about her marriage than their own kids' life will have to find a new scapegoat. Yes, she was happy about these reasons. The day had arrived and she was getting married to this man and all the happiness tend to fade away. Things did take place as planned with perfection, the wedding was the talk of the town. What mattered was the wedding to all and not the marriage, and she somehow felt that all had fallen apart. She ignored it all & went ahead to start her new life.

Unfortunately the heart was not wrong, the brain was stupid, the brain forced her to think all was OK when her heart knew that nothing was right. Today she thinks why she didn't listen to her heart, why she didn't say a no that day, she was afraid like anyone else and wanted to have faith, this was her only fault. She thought listening to others helps but what she forgot what she has to face is her life her ordeal and it will never be the same like someone else. Today she just wishes if she could just go back in time and can say a "no".

Just that Day

Waking up to the sound of rain pouring outside, the window had mist on it. It had been raining for the last couple of days now, but my city doesn't stop neither can I. Like every morning I woke up, my body refused listening to me like every single day. Religiously I drink water, go to the kitchen start making tea, go to the main door pick up the newspaper and arrange to sit drink the tea & read the newspaper. Nothing changes it is the state of equilibrium or the status quo.

Despite all this some mornings, like this one, feel different. I don't know why it is different but it is not me. I am not happy, I am anxious, this is not the first time I feel like this,  the feeling is not new but the answers are not known when I question why. What happened in the sleep, those hours were for my brain to relax and I don't know what it was thinking. I fail to understand that it can give me feelings I don't want but cannot share the reason why I'm feeling so. The brain is the root of all problems and then the poor heart is blamed to take all stupid decisions. The heart cannot even think and the brain creates a pressure on the heart making it feel heavy and then blame the poor thing. These are the times I think it is better to be brainless, I don't know if that also helps.

The other thing about these days are the quiet time you want with yourself and I start smiling to myself and when I try to think why I smiled the reason just gets lost in the cloud of thoughts and then I try too hard I think. The smile is lost, its a conflict you have with yourself. The conflict is so strong that whatever you do seems wrong however right it might be.

Today is just one of those days...

Being Sarcastic

When you are the queen of sarcasm and the one you are sitting with just feels it is funny because they didn't get it, know you are just wasting time. They will never understand and trust me if you try that you are wasting time (Time is precious). and yes the truth of life is you will have a very difficult life ahead because the jokes you crack are not for the common man. Just sharing FB posts will not help people appreciate sarcasm, I would say appreciate because I truly believe it to be an art to be possessed by only a few of us, it is a gift of God.

But like I said everything comes with a price... now when people don't understand what you say how do you tell them that they are stupid, no offence we find it difficult with most people around us and can't just help but post a smile. Then yeah we run because along with being sarcastic we are awesome runners, we run real fast. Then when you message me hi how are you, I reply with a smilie. You still don't realise and ask if we can meet then I have meetings & other errands to run or in fact I'm just out of town always. I wish I could just tell you straight that you don't understand me, but we know what is in store so we have learnt to just run. You really can't explain sarcasm, can you? And yes then there would be those moments when it just comes out because you have never spoken straight and all the eyes in the room turn to you. It is not awkward it is scary... And then you feel 'Kauno upar baithke hamar phirki le rha hai' (Don't say that loud, else you might just end up with more questions "are you OK" and it goes on).

But as said there are pros to being sarcastic as well, you learn to be quiet at those crucial times when you know opening your mouth is like firing a thousand bullets and you don't have that armour on. You learn to be patient as you come across many who don't understand a word what you say and yeah you can't run away always (the person might be your anyone, I don't want to name). I really didn't learn how to be polite and tell people that they are stupid, I was born to tell the truth if you can't hear it please understand from my silence. But when you come across those specially gifted people who understand what you say, its a blessing. Don't let them go for any phaaking reason because they are worth it. I met a few and pray to God that more intellectual beings are born to keep the race going, looking at the current scenario the race is almost about to be extinct.

How I met Aloo and Kaddu

This is a monologue delivered to Kids (pseudo ones of course, couldn't wait long enough to tell the story to the real kids)... Note: As this is a monologue, there might be errors (please ignore, don't bother telling me at all).

Kids that is how we met each other... A good story what say... 10 seasons to go, this is just the trailer
We start with aloo, chane ki daal n kaddu
So it was the first day of office for chane ki daal (till then didn't know that)....who met no one 😂😂😂
And then she found a travel partner, Potol
Potol n she became good friends and started their journey
But chane ki daal doesn't go alongside potol, sad but true, the essence is gone without the right sabji
Then is the superb entry of aloo... I mean aloo was always there but chane ki daal n aloo didn't want to make a good sabji... 

But then comes the twist...very intense case... Bhindi goes away leaving aloo alone (Nail biting)
Now aloo thinks whether potol or chane ki daal
But ideally chane ki daal was smart and old (read old as wise...)
So she got it all
Aloo was there with chane ki daal
Then ... Chane ki daal n aloo start making all sabji together
It was the curious case of aloo n chane ki daal
The other not so important sabji got jealous... green with envy they start talking amongst themselves
What was happening???? (A long silence)

Then aloo n chane ki daal decided to meet outside to talk
The sessions started outside the dangerous premises of bitching sabjis
It was fun but how long??? The bitching sabjis were all there but somehow aloo and chane ki daal survive it
Aloo potol and chane ki daal go out
And the whereabouts and the coordinates were not shared with anyone... It was a secret mission of the sabjis to make a novel dish...Mission accomplished even after all the hurdles in the way (We are still the OO7s)
Yeah forgot to mention...Potol was busy, vey busy... Ufff...Sambhar was always trying to make a mess in between all this
Aloo n chane ki daal wanted to go away... Run far away from the bitching sabjis
Mangalorean chicken curry was jealous of aloo n chane ki daal and started telling everyone about them even to the distant black begun...(Begun is brinjal for ease of understanding)
Begun was sickly thin with lot of seeds which will give u an itch in the throat
He was jealous and the seeds increased
The whole thing was difficult for chane ki daal
So finally aloo n chane ki daal decide to leave the place
They could have been just made into a tasteless sad paste
(sad music in the background)
Aloo decided to leave first because going together would mean more problem
Now life for chane ki daal was also to find a place to go nothing could change as said aloo had to go

But wait for it... Wait for it
Here is the entry of kaddu
Kaddu walks in....A few days before aloo went away
The walk of kaddu hit chane ki daal and she thought... that was it
Kids the moment of revelation was there... it was legen... wait for it..wait for it... dary... legendary
Chane ki daal met kaddu
Now kaddu is confused whether she should talk to aloo n chane ki daal or not... as u know she is kaddu, not much to be expected
But it was solved... she came to know that aloo n chane ki daal were going
As she is the spy... she got interested to know why they were going
Chane ki daal had not known then that she was getting a spy (To spy on people she didn't bother about)
But yeah then the sad day came... Aloo had to go

Chane ki daal is sad but happy...Picture abhi baki hai

Now chane ki daal is not left with any option but kaddu
Aloo gone potol busy
Yes chane ki daal is interesting smart n old (Read old as wise)
She makes kaddu think on how she should escape
But alas kaddu being her was a slow learner

But then comes the cruel sickly begun...Begun because he has no gun (gun= qualities)
The cruel begun goes for a revenge on chane ki daal
The poor girl didn't have any idea about the revenge
She was hit hard
The revenge..... Tarang tarang...
"Go go go" U r banished from the kingdom
Chane ki daal had nothing to say but to go
It was painful...Not to leave but to being asked to leave 😪
But being wise she took it as an opportunity
She left to a new kingdom and was happy
Now kaddu was left alone in the dungeon which they call the kingdom
(Saddd😪😪😪)
Aloo, chane ki daal n kaddu, they were now thrown apart
Very far from each other in 3 different kingdoms
But then we had technology called whatsapp Which kept chane ki daal in touch with her aloo n kaddu
She kept it alive and then because she is chane ki daal she self invited herself to kaddu's place
And also gets an invitation for aloo...See how enterprising (Wise people get these things easily)
Then the three ate n ate, talked n tallked
And then the group comes in... The sabji group
Yes in the meaanwhile aloo got herself banned from kaddu ka place..
Now they were left with no place to go... But then suddenly an idea struck like lightening, and as without brains and only width were kaddu and aloo they started making plans to meet at a dance class
Chane ki daal who is old and wise showed them the mirror they lived in different kingdoms far far away!!
But aloo is aloo doesn't give up on any sabzi and is thinking 💭 still...making plans

Well let's go on rewind
At kaddu's place we realized that chane ki daal has a Brio which is ideal for a long drive (don't think too much... read what happened)
And yeah did I tell u that we have a capability of being high on food
Well yeah food without alcohol can make us high we knew that when aloo n chane ki daal went for dinner
And I swear they were high...V high but wanted to go the drive
So, yeah they did go on the drive...Kids remember kaddu is kaddu so never rely on her directions because she knows none & you can end up nowhere
But we have aloo who can also be bhalu and did guide us only to realise we need to go back to our kingdoms... Cinderella's time was over and had to go back (Find Cinderella in the story & stepmother too)

Kids, this is how I met Aloo & Kaddu... and we are still thinking how to meet again... Kids what I told you is a true story so believe me when I say that make friends who stay close by, I am telling you with experience...

Courtesy Inputs: Soma aka Kaddu & Surbhi aka Aloo

When the day just refuses to be OK

One day you wake up in the morning and bam you are struck with bad mood. You don't know what gave that mood in your sleep and it starts bugging you. Now, whatever you do will be a great pain to you (every part of your body) and mind you everything just turns against you as well. Happens with me a lot and dude I really can't smile then, it hurts, and the frequency of happening can go up from 2 to 7 days a week. Some of you might be smiling by now, because I know I'm not the only one. The thing with a bad mood in the morning can be actually related to what you thought before going to sleep, OK don't start thinking. The problem mostly would be over-thinking and your sleep is disturbed which gives those grumpy mornings. Its like a backlog from yesterday and you don't know the reason mostly. Today turns out  one of those days for me, I just feel like putting it down because I want to, it would be good for the ones who read.

I start my day waking up with a day which seemed just fine, except for I had sprain from Friday on my palm just below my index finger (this can happen only to me). The doctor also looked at me twice because he couldn't laugh, me being his patient. I actually thought I might have dislocated my bone the swelling as hard as a bone but was kind of relieved that it is a sprain only. Tried making some tea and touched the hot vessel, addition of some more pain to the one I already have, I just decided to look up and asked what more. He decides 'Ohhhh you want more, let's go for it', yeah and I get more. I take out my car and start driving to work, 5 min later, dude horn not blowing, driving during office hours in Mumbai traffic can be a torture I cannot even dream of. The hands went to the horn again and again but alas no use and you have to give way to every idiot on the road who thinks if you don't honk they have their way. They did have and the 5 km drive through the busy roads of Andheri was the slowest and never ending, because some pedestrians are strolling on the road because they don't have parks in Mumbai.

Just managed to reach work and I find people occupying my place, OK no I won't crib. I do get my place in an hour, just starting my day I get company. People will think that's good, but the company I have refuses to talk to me, not exactly refused but they start talking to each other in Marathi loudly. Why? Why? Why? They don't want to include me it's OK but why torturing me, over that if you are on a call and they don't decide to lower their volumes as well, huh. Yes it is torture, you really don't know what to do in such a situation (I don't know yet). Yes and the AC has been set at 16C because people feel so hot that they don't care if you freeze to death. Still half day left and don't know what else is in store for me....I wrote this before I die!!! 

When your Boss is Insecure

When your boss is insecure you will have an experience of a lifetime. All you do is never good enough and you will forget what it is to feel good (personal experience... boss). So, this boss of yours is the one who will call you at 5 pm on a Friday and ask you to finish some task, no deadlines mind you. Saturday evening call says why there is no mail, okay actually call is better it can just be a mail which you might not check for hours, all technology fails here. Mind you more reminders awaited till 12 on Saturday night. You finally check your mailbox to see 10 reminders for a task which had no deadline and you will just think, you still cannot get an answer, why there are no calls or WhatsApp message or SMS for anything so important. Trust me this is not it, there is more to come. You will not know what, how & why you will do something or not do it, because you can't ask him he is always busy and nobody knows what you are doing at office.

Coming to daily schedule if you are in this position, travelling in the heat and sweat to your office only to realise not much has to be done today. You feel Oh Great! I will just spend time doing something on my own, maybe watch some YouTube videos, the time refuses to pass and even the most interesting things look mundane. Then you wait for lunch, and the tea breaks which gives you some movement time, most importantly human contact. OK still there are 4 more hours to go, you call your boss to know what's happening and how you can be a part of the project which is going on, he is busy as usual and your call is not answered. Call your teammate or if you are lucky someone around you might be the right person to talk to, they kind of ignore you because they don't want to offend 'The Boss'. Hmmm... now what to do. You should never leave hope, try mails and motivational messages on WhatsApp, try connect. Maybe you forgot this might seem like taking over the boss's position and yes even if he doesn't feel so there is always a Narad Muni who will let him know, so you are screwed even more. So you are stuck in the vicious circle (worse than Abhimanyu's Chakravyuh). 

What to do now???? GET A NEW JOB (it was a simple one)

It is said you should choose your boss and not the job, not easy or possible. Honestly if he or she is truly capable they are not boss anymore, they are managers or better leaders. The choice of people for most jobs is either on educational qualification or worse just sucking up. There is hardly any grooming or training to become a team leader, and when you turn out to be a threat to such people because their capabilities are limited, they just are insecure and what happens is history. Okay changing jobs everyday is just not possible or telling someone the reason of an insecure boss makes you look like a vamp (the nation has become very intolerant... He he he). So, before you decide to join a job try meet the reporting manager have a chat, the vibes from him or her will give you the comfort of making a decision, honestly if they are not good managers you can make it out (I can tell you what to look for... but that would be private sessions on chargeable basis :P).

PS: All views are personal and might not hold true for all

Mumbai- The City That Never Sleeps

Mumbai, the city that never sleeps... I fell in love with it when I first came here. Many people have asked me the reason and I have no answers. First time to Mumbai was 2007, I was a kid first time away from home and maybe the freedom or rather say the feeling of growing up had taken over me. I was a visitor then and years after that day I had traveled to Mumbai as a visitor, I enjoyed it. And somewhere always wanted to live in Mumbai.

September 2015 I finally came to Mumbai with a suitcase mostly like the Hindi films, only thing I was not here to be an actress. But yes I was here... I had felt a mixed flow of emotions after coming to this city to finally become a part of it. I can't explain a word of what I had felt and why so, this was not my first time away from home, but it was different. The days started with house-hunting, ideally I didn't do it but had outsourced it to my brother. It was only a tear which didn't roll my cheek looking at the house that day. But I decided to stay there, Andheri it was, the only place I knew in Mumbai or Bombay as I still fondly call it that. The next ordeal which awaited me was the local train and I started hating it. I thought myself to be a fool to like a place which had small houses, crowded trains and the never ending traffic. But I knew nothing would have changed in the coming time and I have to live with it.

Time has passed by, not even a year and I didn't realize when I became a part of it. I am a part of Mumbai the city I love so much. It gave me and more than taught me a lot. I know why I like the city so much. The beauty of this city is that it welcomes you with open hands, everyone becomes a part of it. Because no one cares who came and who went, the city runs, it is always running. The people around me are running and I know that they don't know why they are running. They are fighting an unsaid battle everyday, the traffic, the train and so many more things and still they smile. They let you be the way you are they don't ask you to change, they don't have time to tell you anything. They are busy fighting for themselves, the unsaid battles. I don't know who wins it or who has ever won it, but we all fight. Maybe Mumbai wins, its heart wins.

I am like everyone here or rather they are like me.

Raining Memories

She was staring out of the window with her favorite doll in her hand. It was raining heavily outside, the monsoon was here. People on the streets tried to keep their umbrellas but the wind wouldn't let them. Pia smiled to herself if only she could have drenched herself in the rain. She loved the rains and the scent of the earth when the rain first hit it. She looked at her Apple smart watch and realized all her time was trapped in this 8 by 8 cabin.

Pia was always a bright student as a kid and her parents were proud of her. She was determined to become a famous personality one day and here she was heading holding the most prestigious position in one of the finest companies in the world. Her cabin gave the most spectacular view of the most beautiful part of Mumbai, the Marine Drive or rightly said "The Necklace Road". The day they announced her the CEO of the company she couldn't believe her ears, she was so happy that she wanted to call but there was no one to call. Her parents had died in the car crash six years ago & the only person who she wanted to talk to didn't want to talk to her. Avinash & Pia had known each other for three years and they got married eleven years back. Everyone was very happy that day, they were the made for each other couple. The happiest was Toby their 2 years old dog who finally knew that Pia will always be there in the house to give him food. Their life was like a perfect picture, a happy couple with their Toby who wouldn't leave a single pillow in place. 

It all felt yesterday to Pia, everything was fresh in her memories the day Avinash was on his knees proposing to her to the day he left. She didn't know what had changed in all these years when & why they had drifted apart. The day she became the CEO she went to the house where she had grown up and looked for her favorite doll, she thought to herself that she wouldn't leave her, Toby was also not there any more he suffered a  kidney failure three months back. She stood there gazing at the sea which was not calm and quiet anymore, she could feel it even in the darkness. She saw her reflection in the glass and saw a wrinkle running on the corner of her eye, age had started catching up she thought. She was 39, successful and alone, her achievements in life. She woke up alone in the morning, went for a run, come home to cooked breakfast which she mostly never ate and rushed to office for those endless meetings and calls and came back home, no an empty house. She had earned well a Mercedes to drive alone, a big kitchen in an empty big bungalow which was hardly used and those endless gadgets which reminded her that she had nothing else to do.

The guard asked "Madam 10 baj gaye aap ghar nahi jayengi", she looked at him & smiled gesturing that she was leaving. She picked up the keys of her luxurious car to drive to her empty waiting huge bungalow.

Imperfection is Beautiful

All the bullshit written in books about the perfect man & the prince charming on a white horse which you need to save yourself from. There is nothing called perfect lady and yes men we understand you are not perfect, you too need to understand if you want us to be Angelina Jolie you too need to be Brad Pitt. Most of our lives we just waste looking for that perfect person for us, that even the best opportunities in life go amiss. If we are imperfect why expect perfect. 

I like to write about things I feel are right as per me (not that I expect you to agree). I am not perfect, I have my own shares of imperfections, the anger, arrogance, stubbornness and many other things. I have lot of friends good ones, bad ones & mean ones they are like the piece of a jigsaw puzzle only the right one would fit to make the picture complete. They are pieces of me, who complete me (My personal grid). I like them all they all are great but I still don't want to spend rest all my life eating dinner with them.

There are people I came across I liked the moment I met (crush or infatuation in younger days, today don't know what to call them). Like everybody else I also try talking to them in fact getting their attention, do silly things to make them notice. Successful couple of times (unsuccessful most times, I'm pretty bad at these things), I have not been able to keep it up mostly. Some did turn out to be good friends later but not the one I would really want by my side.

There are people you might meet in the train or just a friend's party and you can connect without a single thought. They are as imperfect as you are, they have scars and flaws which make them the people they are. And you feel the missing part in you is filled. That is the beauty of imperfection, it makes you perfect. Find the person who completes you who fits to your imperfection.

The Silent Dinner

Anu & Veer were having their dinner in silence like the many more dinners they have had since marriage. Still there was something strange today, the silence was eerie. Today the TV was also not blaring with Arnab Goswami shouting 'the nation wants to know' nor was the phone beeping with the usual WhatsApp messages.

Anu couldn't stop herself and broke into tears, as she walked away Veer was still at the table looking at the empty plates. In her bedroom looking at the big wall size wedding photograph, she just wanted to cry out louder. She felt hollow, a strange emptiness had hit her. She remembered the day Veer had come to her place with his family to meet her for the first time. She knew she liked him there itself and after a few days all were busy with the wedding shenanigans. She was happy, very happy. The picture on the wall recited the gala affair again & again. It has been eight months now and all has changed.

Nothing had changed actually, only today Anu realized that things would never be the way she wanted. She wanted to call Ma, tell her that what she told her was not true, things did not change with marriage. The day she walked into the house as a new bride, she wanted to make it her world. But it never belonged to her. She forgot that a marriage is between two people and she couldn't do anything alone. She wanted to do it all be herself, her fault. She was busy decorating the world which was falling apart, rather was never there, a mirage which she thought to be hers, her fault.

She remembered her first night with her life partner, she had heard friends how special it was for them and all they did was go to sleep. She couldn't tell this to anyone because Ma told things in the bedroom should remain there. It was a long day and he could have been tired, but still something felt wrong. Today she knew everything was wrong. The day she held his hand in New York, he just walked away. She was angry, humiliated, upset and the old school taught her that silence was more powerful than words but everyone was wrong. She wanted to shout to everyone that we all were wrong, things weren't solved by keeping quiet. She was told that the man would be hers if she would give him love, but nobody told her, why he wouldn't make love to her. She didn't know what was her fault and what she could do.

After these longest eight months of her life she knew nothing would change. If her flight to Singapore wouldn't have been cancelled she would have never known that Akash was the reason. She had seen Akash in the place she should have been. The bedroom she thought was hers was Veer & Akash's love abode. Veer's eyes had the glow she had been searching all these days for herself. She just asked "Why?" and Veer kept quiet.

She knew what she had to do now and the hollow was gone. She didn't care what Ma would say and what tauaji & chachaji would think. She wanted to live her life on her terms. There was no place for Veer in her life. The picture with both of them smiling still covered the wall but couldn't fill the emptiness of the house.

It was a special day!

She was lost in her thoughts, and he called her "Ashi". She looked at him, he was grinning from ear to ear. She asked him what happened and he said I just wanted to look at you. Her face glowed & all her worries were gone in a second, only he could do this to her. She doesn't remember when her best buddy became her life partner. It still feels yesterday when he asked her to marry her with the ring which shines on her finger. They walked down the road and there was a familiar silence, they had known this for years. The walk from the grocery store to their apartment on the next lane was mostly uneventful. It was only eventful when he would rush back to the store for the car keys he left at the counter or she would remember that there is no haldi back home and they need to rush back. Today after five years too when he calls her heart skipped a beat.

Married and living the same lives, eating endless boring dinners together, talking about world politics and listening to music arguing over the beats, this is what life is all about to Ashi & Karan. And they loved it, that's they chose when they committed five years ago taking pheras around the fire. Marriage is all about dal chawal for the next 50 years Ashi told Karan when he proposed to her. And he said just give me some chicken with that I will manage. She didn't know what to tell him, but he left no stone unturned to make her say the yes. And every time she remembered the day her eyes would well up with tears of joy.

Karan, the guy who just went on backpack trips getting up in the morning not talking to anyone for days, today woke up to see Ashi sleeping by his side. He never thought that anyone could tie him down to the institution called marriage and yet there he was with the love of his life every morning, drink black coffee with her, hate the bitter taste and love her sweet smile. The traffic didn't bug him anymore because she would sit by side humming the song on the radio. What had she done to him, he felt he was no more the guy he used to be. He still remembered the day she walked to Meera's party in that long flowy skirt with hair loosely falling on her face and shining danglers. Her eyes sparkling, her laughter filling the room, he knew something was different. 

She looked more beautiful today, her face was glowing more than ever and he knew it was him. There was somebody else, he was not the only one in her life now. He didn't know what would happen next. She was very uncomfortable, he held her hands and she looked up, she knew he will be by her side through this. They took her to the labour room, they didn't know how much time had passed by , she was crying in pain. They heard a cry and both of them laughed, their daughter was born. Today, they got another name to their relationship "parents".

Open letter to Someone

Dear Someone,

I am who I am. I don't want your judging, I don't care what you think about me. I don't care what others would think if I hold my friend's hand & give them a hug. If you think I care please think again.

I don't care if you don't understand my jokes, I have people who get it and laugh at it. Just because you find me funny (God knows why, the joke was on you), I am not an easy to get along with. Please don't complain about me not being nice to you, because I don't care. I can't put the face of 'Ms. Cute, sweet, nice girl' to make you happy. If I don't want to be friends and I tell you that, I mean it (Go fuck all the movies you saw which said if the girl says a 'no' it means a 'yes', they were day dreaming or did not know about my existence). You saw me laughing the other day with a bunch of people (they are my beloved friends), don't assume I would like to laugh like that with you. Dude I am not a nice person (mostly a bitch), so please don't come near me when I am grumpy you might see the face you will really not like. We don't vibe & we don't gel together nothing can force me to change my mind.

If you understand what I say without laughing unnecessarily to make me feel good (I can make from your face that you didn't get it, so please don't try). If I laugh on your face & you can laugh along with me, I like you already. If you can give me my space without questioning (I will tell you everything when I want) you got me right. If I shout at you and you understand that I am not always PMSing and I have bigger issues in life, you are getting closer. If you can keep your ego at bay when with me, and do the silliest things without a thought I love you. If you can beat me with your intelligence and make the best of conversations which can make me smile I can't stop I am forever yours.

Yours truly,
Friend

I'm committed to You!

Commitment is a very strong term and one of the most dreaded ones too. I will call it a wrong doing of our society, they made us believe that commitment is to the one you owe everything (your spouse). People are scared and commitment phobic when it comes to the decision of choosing your life partner because then you are entitled to spend your life with them, share everything with them and truthfully speaking talking to the other sex becomes a crime, it becomes an obligation does not remain a commitment any more.

One day a friend just asked me what commitment means to me (actually started with me laughing at his so called commitment phobic state). He told I'm committed to you because I choose to be by your side through thick & thin. I am committed to my family to protect them, towards my other friends for whom I will do anything I need, I can't just be obligated to be committed to someone who I don't want to commit to. On thinking over what he said I believed every word he said, it was so true. I cannot be committed just because someone is my spouse and people like us are termed commitment phobic because definition by the society states that. And honestly why only blame the society me, you everyone follows it blindly without asking the simplest of question "Why?". Because from childhood we are snapped at whenever we ask why because there are no answers to some questions. Trust me no questions are there without answers, we are just afraid to find the answers, or rather question authority.

Being committed to someone out of marriage is not breach of trust, commitment is not a crime. Every relation in our lives deserves our commitment, people we love and care for do need our commitments. Give every relationship the space and time to flourish and commitments will be heart to heart. Don;t let anyone tell you that this is wrong till they are able to give you a valid reason other than "log kya kahenge" (this is the most common torture in India). It is we who have to be the change to see the change, society is nothing but a bunch of us. Be committed to your work, your family, your friends & surely your better half.

Express Your Love

I came across this post a few days back and it really put me into a deep thought (though mostly find lost in my thoughts). This sparked a thought of unusual feelings within me. It said to show your love to your friends by kissing them & hugging them, building the bond of touch to communicate with people around you that you care, to break the societal barriers in the mind. I just loved it, honestly anything which asks change is something which excites me a lot.
I am what is called a touch averse person the one who doesn't like to touch people or people touching me. But there are some people when they hold my hand or give me that bear hug I feel happy for the day. And they are friends & family, my closest people on this earth. After reading this post, I actually re-emphasize that love needs to be expressed, not only to your so called "love" but also your friends. Hold their hands, hug them, kiss their faces make them feel you care for them. Laugh, cry, support and be proud to show your feelings because it is not a sign of weakness, embracing platonic relationships will give you some really good friends and some trusted allies throughout your life.

The society which teaches us not to show our emotions needs to learn that emotions are not a sign of weakness but the sign of strength and support from our loved ones & for our loved ones. Well said by someone "Together we stand, divided we fall" and the society actually plays the cards of divide & rule, they are capable to instill a fear in the minds of people like you and me that we can make or break your life, and we enter the vicious circle.

Show your love to your platonic friends and family & let others just go f*** themselves because next time you are in trouble it is the people who care turn up and not the ones who would just be there to give gyan. So break the so called rules live & love, let your emotions show the good in you.

The delight of doing something weird

We human beings just find happiness doing something, varies from person to person. For me it is a few things like music and blah blah (I don't want to tell it all). These are the things which I know would make me happy but there are some things which I don't do  mostly but it gives me a superior satisfaction doing it. Like going on a random shopping spree, picking random things (I just did it yesterday) and Wow! I was feeling at the top of the world to be precise. Many would say what's great about it most women feel like this, but not rue for all. I'm not the shopping types at all, I don't like to spend more than needed time for these activities, and of course I love the sale so this is not exactly the time for me to buy stuff and added to that it was my hard earned money (no gifts from anyone). When I said weird it's just not the normal you (not that shopping is weird, don't start fighting me). 

Letting yourself just be what you want to be for some time does no harm, it is good for you. Even the smallest things like listening to music or going on a drive can be just awesome. It just helps release the stress or something more. One of my friends the other day just said that she has probable forgotten to write I couldn't stop laughing for a while. Honestly I know her schedule is killing her but she really cant let that eat away her life. We all should find some things in life which just give us some delight or just some peace of mind, trust me some wise man had said "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy". He was much smarter even when we didn't have these pathetic work schedules and so much damn competition. First we spend all our time studying useless subjects which I really can't recall where are we using and then work from 9 to 9, recognition or no recognition this is not the end of the world. There is a better you who can do much better things than just working aimlessly or yeah to make money and so called being successful.

Whoever says that you need to work harder, they don't have a life themselves and don't want you to have one, please don't fall prey to this. Let's analyse what we are doing and look around for happy people what they do exactly to be happy. They find time for themselves.

PS: Mantra is to be yourself whenever you get time... Do what you love to do "Kuch to log kahenge logo ka kaam hai kehna"

How people just become a part of your life unexpectedly

I really can't think of anything but to write about this today. This struck me when one of my colleagues left the job and I didn't know when we will meet again. I went home thinking about these two wonderful ladies who came into my life accidentally (most of them do), but these two I never thought would even be anywhere near friends.

OK, let me shout at the top of my voice and tell nobody spoke to me for the first few weeks. I really feel bugged when I feel I'm not being noticed (whatever you call that). Then one of the ladies became my travel buddy and we touched a cord somewhere and we were talking. She is much younger than but all of you now na I am so young at heart, I refuse to grow up :P. We used to wait to talk to each other and it was blissful. Then Karma acted bitch and we did not get time due to our work schedules. It is killing, your best friend to bitch about everything at work and life is no more with you. You talk to other friends really doesn't give the comfort because they don't know who you are talking about. In the meanwhile I had another lady who had the weirdest jokes to crack, I was like really most of the time, I don't understand like you. But then suddenly I didn't realize when we were talking and the best bitching. It got me going and I was like I really like you. This lady also being younger than me (don't think that I am old, they are just younger). We clicked and I gave her the worst ideas in life as usual being me. And worst she took some seriously, ha ha ha. I thank both of them for making my work life  albeit other things a little easier.

But, what I felt yesterday just made me think over it again and again. Never knew when we met, when we started talking, and most importantly when we become friends. Some things just happen and not under our control, for all three of us the most unusual place to meet (most unusual for me). I never knew these girls and rest the case of being friends. We think so much about tomorrow about things which most probably can never be controlled and luckily we don't stress ourselves over friendship. Some things are just free to enjoy in life, so just enjoy them. And just like friendship try to uncomplicate other things in life.

PS: Lesson learnt yesterday, will try exercising it

Three Things Not to do at Work

Hey Friends, Monday makes me think about work... Ha ha ha! People talk about what to do at work, now because I am me, I talk about what not to do at work. No sugar-coated words coming here, I have been labelled a difficult person at work. And I am just going to talk about the things which I have faced in my work life and I follow truthfully.

• Don't take it from anyone:  If you are and inexperienced doesn't mean you can't say anything right. Taking it from your superiors is just not done when you have not done anything wrong. I believe that a true team leader will never do anything which makes you look wrong. Yes, they are humans and do lose it sometimes but that will never be public. I have been scolded (literally) n number of times for my mistakes, I took it with grace and learnt from it. I am ready to be scolded again and again for my mistakes. But, hello I will not agree to everything you say just because you are my boss or superior, prove it to me before you want me to agree. And if you try giving s***, I just know how to give it back to you (I am waiting with a catapult). It will not only make you visible to people around you, they will think twice before messing up with you.
• Don't say a Yes to please someone: It is good to be diplomatic, but just following "Boss is always right" will not take you anywhere. In colloquial and crude terms this is called buttering. Not that you will not make it through easily, you might but trust me all your colleagues hate you (I at least do it religiously, I can smell such people from distance). And yes to your surprise tomorrow one of your colleagues just might become your boss (worst case scenario) or your boss you have been greasing all this while is not with the company any more (very possible scenario). It becomes really difficult after a certain time because your boss would just look at you for support in almost all the wrong things and you are done if it is sc***ing your colleagues. Wow! I can't even imagine beyond this, OK stop!!
• Don't make people your stepping stone: This sounds really philosophical, but Karma is a bitch what goes definitely comes back (I agree every word). I'm not saying because I want to sound nice but in the long run it really doesn't help. You get too many enemies in the run which I don't think is a very good strategy, you would surely agree. I don't ask that you need to be best friends with anybody at work, it doesn't work like that for sure. But pulling someone down doesn't really put at a better place it is just a pseudo phase someone else who might be more cunning than you will do it the same. Instead of focusing on pulling people down, work towards two things one is pulling yourself up and not becoming one's stepping stone. It will keep you engaged and more alert (even you would not fight your conscience).

I wasn't so bad (feeling proud, grinning). The list is definitely not this small but good to start with. Will love to hear from you guys, open to hearing your feelings on this.

Optimism or Pessimism

I have been told many a times stop behaving like a pessimist. Hello!! I'm not a pessimist, I am just critical. Life is not lack and white, it is 50 shades of grey. I don't believe anyone is 100% of anything, it is overdoing then. And surely something is wrong with you if you think you are 100% (is it ego or ignorance, judge for yourself). Now, you would be smiling to yourself because you know what I am saying is the truth.

No one in the true sense an optimist who feels everything is just perfect and fine, so yes all the people who feel in the pessimistic category please feel good about it. Things are not always perfect, and finding a fault with something or acting critical is not wrong. When people tell you that you are pessimistic towards life it is mostly because they are not able to handle the truth, ha ha ha. I fight back (not hitting and all) every time someone says man can't you take anything simply and be happy about it. No dude, I can't take, it is a part of me to analyse things how small they might be. I call it being realistic, what's wrong. Never lose yourself just because someone thinks you are not doing things their way. You have the fundamental right to voice out your feelings.

Honestly, I hate pessimists not because they think otherwise but for the fact most of them are so afraid to take risks in life just in the fear of losing. Looking at a situation, listing pros and cons is good but looking only at the cons, instead of weighing both is just not done. It is said that riskier it is the better the returns (also higher the losses). Just don't find reasons not to do anything, if you don't like anything change it don't wait. Just like Nike says "Just do it". Everything cannot be measured in life and even the most calculated decisions fail in life, then why not do something some times. And failure is just the stepping stone for success. (Too much philosophy coming out now)

Optimist or pessimist or realist (dimension added by me), don't stop from doing things. Analyse your options before you start (it is not very wise to make stupid mistakes which could be avoided). Being critical is good but over doing is like drinking all the medicine at once.

PS: I try following what I just said, difficult though, but trying is the essence.

Love Yourself

The mantra for the day goes "Love yourself more than anything else". Sounding selfish, goooood... Be Selfish. Though nobody told me I'm selfish, I will like to say that I would love to be selfish. Dear if you don't love yourself who will. Loving oneself brings the confidence in us which people around us can see and they start respecting you for who you are. It's like help yourself.

A person who has love for oneself will definitely have self-respect for oneself, which I as a person think is the backbone of any successful person. I honestly cannot even talk to a person who has no self-respect. I am sorry, you expect me to respect you when you can't respect yourself??? No, dude doesn't happen this way. I may be polite but please don't mistake it to be respect. Apart from this love for yourself will help you with reasons why you love yourself, is it beauty, smartness, optimism, fighter spirit or something else (Caution: Assess yourself on the right parameters, at least don't lie to yourself). You will be able to list a minimum of 3 good things about you in the worst case, not bad huh, you can use this in your next job interview with conviction (good na). And well some bad things might come up too, now don't be old school, like getting angry is bad, it's not that bad always showing your anger at the right time and the right place will get things going with you. The measure is how much and the control parameters, how much does it hurt you and what is the control. Please don't take a stick and go start hitting people around you and take my name for that matter, I will not go help you with a bail (I love myself).

People who love themselves are successful, because the decisions they take in life keeps them in priority before anything else. Remember Jab We Met's Geet, she was happy because she loved herself and her success parameters were simple be happy & get married, she did land up with the hero ;). Now let me talk about myself, I always have high respect for myself but didn't actually love myself I feel. And I feel that somewhere I doubted myself on my abilities due to this. I have been a fairly bright kid throughout my life (don't look at my report card), but never felt that I could make it big in my life. I don't blame myself completely for this because nobody told me that I am capable and I should love myself for that. It took me a lot of time to realize, man I'm better than a huge lot of people around me (though I don't profess comparison of two human beings, it is an insult to the human race- every damn person on this earth is unique).

Our value systems teach us "Love thy neighbor" and like every person I believed they are smart and they know it better than me and someone's selfish is a crime. If being selfish does good to me why shouldn't I do it, my question. We all are selfish in some way only thing is we don't accept it because selfish is a negative word. I believe every quality is good in its own sweet way but when present in extremes will bring the worst out of you. Love should not become self-obsession & selfishness should not reach a level when people around you are hurt.

PS: Please use your own judgement while practicing and professing what is written, the writer will not be liable for your actions :)