The Sarcastic Person's Story

If you are a sarcastic person then you would relate to these situations you always face, because whatever you do you can't change to the normal (Normal defined by others)

1. The first set of people will laugh at whatever comes out of your mouth. There are two categories of people who would laugh at your sarcasm. Category one is surely people who didn't get what you are trying to say so they just start laughing. It is the group who loves to play pretend as kids. Wat I don't understand is why would anyone laugh at something they didn't understand in the first place. Category two are the ones who did register what you wanted to say but unfortunately their poor reflexes failed them and they simply couldn't respond, so what do they do, they laugh because if they respond they fear that there is more to come (whatever you do nothing will stop us). We will keep on throwing the puns and you will keep on laughing, reasons unknown.

2. The second set of the people are ones who take offence, for eg one of my colleagues and I were talking a few days back when I showed my dissatisfaction about the way things around us were. After some introspection he called me to check if I meant all of this for him. I couldn't figure out till date why someone would think that everything I say has a double meaning, well no I really say simple things as well. Yes at times my mouth has definitely put me into difficult situations and for God sake if only I could keep it shut at times but no... That's just not possible

3. The last are the ones I love. Your sentences could be completed by them. Aha... They are like family because they understand you so well. It's a feeling which can't be defined in words. 

Being sarcastic might not be a wow thing but definitely has its pros. Like you always have people who will not understand a word you said but will still like you or nowadays you can infact become a standup comedian. Because you don't have to put in a lot of effort whole doing comedy, you just open your mouth and people start laughing.

The Airport Story

She walked towards the boarding gate with her small backpack carefully packed with her stuff. The strange of feeling of leaving something behind was haunting her. She still checked her handbag once more for the passport & boarded the flight.

As the flight took off her mind started racing through the last few months. It seemed yesterday, she came to Singapore six months back. It was her second day in Singapore, as she got ready for office in her new apartment she was smiling to herself for what was happening to her. She had just got an awesome project for which she never thought she would be chosen, working as the art director for the past three years she had hardly seen success which she dreamt of when in college. This was a dream come true for her with everything happening just the way she wanted always and in such times you just can't believe your luck. She was also thinking the same and maybe she would have pinched herself hard also to believe it. This was the first time she was traveling out of the country and she has planned every bit of it without wasting a single minute.

Her feeling was the same like she had landed in Mumbai eight years back for the first time. She was excited & wanted these six months to be the best time of her life. As she was getting ready she knew that it was maybe the only chance she would have to prove to her seniors. Her day had gone fine till now, there was lots to do & definitely lot of new things for her to learn. She was so busy that she hadn't noticed that her team had a guy who was in the flight with her. In the evening she came to know that he had come for the project from Chennai & was staying in the same hotel. A month went by and she had been busy with her work, no time to sleep or eat properly. This was the first time she had got two days off & she decided to visit the famous places in the city. She bumped into this guy and to her surprise they were travelling together.

They both chatted for hours & the day tour turned out to be a really pleasant one. After that both of them would break up for coffee during work & evenings were full of fun around the city. She would wait for the coffee breaks throughout the day & however late it would be she would not feel tired to go out after work with him. The relationship had turned into love, and she was enjoying every bit of t. He was not a prince charming but he was the best she ever had. At times her smile would fade away when she thought it might not be true, like everything in her life this might also end.

Days went by and the trip was almost about to end, she was getting anxious as he never spoke about when they go back to India. Her mind was split into asking him if he thought about them or she should keep quiet and wait for him to ask. She thought over it again & again and she realised that if he never asked, she would probably miss a chance in life and ten years later she didn't want to regret. She finally asked him and he replied with carefully chosen words, as he spoke her eyes welled up. She was again back to blaming herself for trusting someone so much, but this time it was not only trust it was something else. She kept thinking about the same things again and again the last whole week, and wished that he would just walk up to her and say that he wanted things back the way they were.

A few hours from now she would land in Mumbai & Singapore would just be another bad chapter in her life. If only things would have been different and they would have never met, her Singapore trip would have been something different.

Three times when I amazed myself

Numerous times it has happened that I have been amazed at myself and spent time thinking "Oh! really that was me... Oh wow!". Well that wow can be in any sense, can be surprise & can be shock. People like me who are referred to as scatter brains and can go through any emotion at any time. If I write an account all those incidences then it would be a book with atleast 365 pages for every year since birth. I am sure as a kid my parents would have been shocked with me, I really don't want to shock them again by narrating all that. I choose to write a few incidences which I can't forget till my last day.

Incidence 1

Location: St. Anthony's School, New Delhi

It was some year I really don't remember but I had a Sanskrit exam. And the last day of school before exams were to start was working where everyone knew that nothing great would happen but being a part of a strict convent school we were given an ultimatum not to take a holiday. Honestly my Sanskrit was very weak (when on earth will I ever speak to anyone in Sanskrit). So, I happily took an off to study for the Sanskrit paper which I had not opened through the year. Well, the exam went well as my selective memory spared some temporary memory space to learn the necessary parts of the subject. 

Point to be noted was the rest of the school had taken the off to study science & maths, which were the next exams. It was science for me, and all of us started the papers. Principal walked in and took names including mine to leave the class (almost 90% of the class). Then it dawned to us that 80% of the school was on the ground for not complying to the notice. Everyone around me was crying I remember & I didn't know what to do. Half an hour had gone by & we were not let in for the exam yet. I was the only one not crying, and the only thought which crossed me was what if my principal sees me that I am not crying I am not the only one allowed to sit for the exam. F**k, I still couldn't cry at least to make people feel that I was worried.

Incidence 2

Location: Udaipur

I used to work in Udaipur for some time, my office & my home were bang opposite to each other. Like all my counterparts across India I felt that one needs to work late to finish off things. I was leaving for home & get out of the gate & a car hits me. I don't know the details after that. I wake up & see a young man hovering over me, so I shout with all my strength. Only to realize I was not kidnapped but was in the company dispensary. I couldn't talk or move, bleeding profusely from my head but all I told my friends was not to take me to the hospital. As all say only I could behave like that. The next thing which worried me was my broken tooth which I feared was in my stomach and trust me nobody cared at all. Please listen to the concerns of the patient for once but no one does... huh😏😏😏😏, I wanted to tell so badly my brain is not affected because I could remember everyone & all the numbers important to me. But, people just don't listen.

Incidence 3

Location: Goa

As all of us know I am a very poor person, I live my life planning around with my credit card. I went to this shop and asked, "bhaiya credit card chalta hai?". He answered me something, which I assumed to be a yes. I gave the credit card and he said "Madam cash dijiye please". So, I was surprised and just told him (literally told him), that he only said that he accepts credit card. He refused and my friend supported him, and I was quietly taking out cash to give him and what he said next to my friend was where I got a shock "Thank you Madam, aap nahi hote to aaj madam hum jhagda kar leti". 😦😦😦😦

I really want to see a video of the incident to understand that what made him think that I was fighting. 

Like Chacha Chaudhary comics used to say "Chacha Chaudhary ka dimag computer se bhi tez chalta hai", I can say my brain runs faster than Chacha Chaudhary's. Most people also suggest me visit a psychiatrist.

The Too Much Traveled Roads

This topic has been inspired by the many people I come across daily on the roads of Mumbai. As told by most people Mumbai has the most disciplined traffic in India (I just pity the state of rest of the country in that case). A small showcase of my feelings towards the Indian Roads

BEAT THE CLOCK

 We are always in a hurry, no matter what time of the day we just feel its our duty to rush to the destination. By the way even when you squeezed your Jaguar in between my car & the truck at some odd 100 kmph, you did have to stop at the signal. I had the last smile sitting in my small car (I just felt great).

NFS IN REAL LIFE

The lines on the road were not drawn by the child who just felt like painting the walls, they demarcate the 'LANES'. It's OK now you know why on the road it is written at times follow lane discipline. By the way, there are provisions for indicators as well in all the cars nowadays. Unfortunately the NFS got into our heads when we wanted to drive on the road. Reality check!!! not a video game.

ACCOMMODATE EVERYONE

Now, as we are still a developing nation we really need cheap modes of transportation like the bus, auto, motorcycles & then there are trucks too. They all run at their own pace & can be just everywhere on the road. Especially they would decide to block my way right in the morning (well I have many other victims alongwith me). Can I request you to please use the slow moving lanes, we really would be grateful

CAN YOU SEE THE RED LIGHT

Did you know that honking has no effect on the red light turn green. Yes, I am not moving and I am not colour blind. I did pass the colour blindness test and can distinguish between red and green. Trust me, I also wish to move once the lights are green.

FLYING FLAGS

Well, this is the most hilarious group of people, I just wish to talk to some of them what they actually think. On the bike, a fluttering flag (mostly political) and the men riding without fail not wearing a helmet. Zig-zag could be explained so well by them, like the bee cutting through the traffic. I don't know if there is any phenomenon where the flag could save you from an accident.

Sincerely,

The Traveler

My bed & Me

When it comes to love, I can be categorised on the range of unsuccessful to very unsuccessful. But today I thought of writing about the only one love relationship I have been able to maintain from all these years. The relationship is with my bed, the profound love for my bed is something most of you will understand. And as I grow old the relationship has turned from friendship to love and now something like a marriage.

Like I said my relationships are not something I can boast of for sure, and now that I had started thinking that my bed & me had a different relationship I realise it has too reached a stage where things get really difficult at time. The law of attractions are very strong when we are apart from each other. And I really hope the feelings are mutual. Like a married couple our expectations are also really weird. Now, on a weekday & mostly when its a Monday why would you be so nice to me when I really have to rush to office at 7. But, who understands not my bed, it will just not let me go and the precious one hour is reduced to a 30 min in the morning. But my love has surpassed all the stages and I really don't blame it anymore for anything, that is what is growing up all about. I dream about going back to it in the evening & spend my time in peace. Love is so beautiful I would say & when I am watching the episode of my favorite series, it just tucks me in & take me to the wonderland.

Wait! this is still a marriage and nothing can be as perfect as this. And this is when the weekends start, I have no idea why after sleeping at 2 on a Friday night, my eyes are wide open at 6 without the alarm. I feel like shouting to the bed "This is just not done do you realise. I really love you &this what you do to me. Why would you not let me sleep? Why would you be so uncomfortable?" But then there is just silence & I start doubting my relationship.

Has it always been one sided.

The Equal Half

She was really looking beautiful, it was her wedding day. The day she was born she was her father's princess. She was not asked to wear salwar kameez to a wedding but she still chose the shimmering dresses for the occasions. She was educated in the best school in town, the same as her brother, she chose to learn swimming but as she grew up she left and started learning music, saying she had learnt it enough. Her brother started dancing lessons & left after some time to start football. They studied hard and grew up to be very successful and had to move out of town. She started dating a good looking man and her parents were dying to meet him. And two years down the line she is getting married to him. The pretty bride was blushing in her pink lehenga & gold jewellery. She won't have to live with her in-laws, they have a separate house in the same city, they didn't want to interfere. 

She was on leave for two months after the wedding, she had to setup the whole house, actually her husband had some urgent work and he would be going to States. She prefers to wear the sindoor and mangalsutra, she had actually lost a lot of weight too. It is obvious her life had changed completely. She had a life all girls would envy they said, no doubt, the perfect life I would say. 

Suddenly the other day I bumped into her brother he had come to visit her. We enjoyed a long afternoon conversation on my couch, he was always an excellent guy to speak to. He was a Psychology major and was not really appreciated by his father, but he was doing well and was soon going to get his papers published. He also told he again started dancing professionally & was learning music too, didn't really like playing on the field that much.  He had always been different from the rest of the boys I knew, I really didn't know what was different about him. We were going through his sister's wedding photographs and he asked me why did she wear such a heavy bridal lehenga which she would never even take out of her closet again. I was surprised it was her wedding, why would she not. he said wedding is a one-day affair & marriage would be for a life time. I didn't say a word.

I learnt some thing that day, I just knew why he was so different. He didn't believe in the unseen societal norms. We all are just afraid to break these norms, subconsciously we just are tied in these unseen chains. Whenever we are questioned about it logically our mind learns to rebel it by saying it's my choice. The siblings were brought up in the same house and given equal opportunities, but one chose to follow the same societal norms of wearing Indian attire at social gatherings, reducing physical exercise because her body was changing, wearing costly clothing on her wedding, running the household and letting her husband grow in his career and that is the dream because we were conditioned to it. She never questioned it because she was never forced to do it & she felt prey to thinking that it was her choice. Even when her in-laws were not around she wanted to feel that she was married by wearing the mangalsutra. Did this compulsion ever occur to her husband, I doubt. He was caught in another trap where he had to be a successful workaholic who would earn enough to provide his family well, excellent sportsman great if it was cricket or football, a rebel who would speak up against his family if needed and a strong guy who would face it all without crying. If we think he was privileged we are so wrong he has his own battles to fight, they might be different but are more difficult because nobody talks about them.

The expectation was set high, not according to our capabilities, not our religion, nationality, color, caste, creed but our gender. Let us just try to be equal halves.