Just that Day

Waking up to the sound of rain pouring outside, the window had mist on it. It had been raining for the last couple of days now, but my city doesn't stop neither can I. Like every morning I woke up, my body refused listening to me like every single day. Religiously I drink water, go to the kitchen start making tea, go to the main door pick up the newspaper and arrange to sit drink the tea & read the newspaper. Nothing changes it is the state of equilibrium or the status quo.

Despite all this some mornings, like this one, feel different. I don't know why it is different but it is not me. I am not happy, I am anxious, this is not the first time I feel like this,  the feeling is not new but the answers are not known when I question why. What happened in the sleep, those hours were for my brain to relax and I don't know what it was thinking. I fail to understand that it can give me feelings I don't want but cannot share the reason why I'm feeling so. The brain is the root of all problems and then the poor heart is blamed to take all stupid decisions. The heart cannot even think and the brain creates a pressure on the heart making it feel heavy and then blame the poor thing. These are the times I think it is better to be brainless, I don't know if that also helps.

The other thing about these days are the quiet time you want with yourself and I start smiling to myself and when I try to think why I smiled the reason just gets lost in the cloud of thoughts and then I try too hard I think. The smile is lost, its a conflict you have with yourself. The conflict is so strong that whatever you do seems wrong however right it might be.

Today is just one of those days...