Imperfection is Beautiful

All the bullshit written in books about the perfect man & the prince charming on a white horse which you need to save yourself from. There is nothing called perfect lady and yes men we understand you are not perfect, you too need to understand if you want us to be Angelina Jolie you too need to be Brad Pitt. Most of our lives we just waste looking for that perfect person for us, that even the best opportunities in life go amiss. If we are imperfect why expect perfect. 

I like to write about things I feel are right as per me (not that I expect you to agree). I am not perfect, I have my own shares of imperfections, the anger, arrogance, stubbornness and many other things. I have lot of friends good ones, bad ones & mean ones they are like the piece of a jigsaw puzzle only the right one would fit to make the picture complete. They are pieces of me, who complete me (My personal grid). I like them all they all are great but I still don't want to spend rest all my life eating dinner with them.

There are people I came across I liked the moment I met (crush or infatuation in younger days, today don't know what to call them). Like everybody else I also try talking to them in fact getting their attention, do silly things to make them notice. Successful couple of times (unsuccessful most times, I'm pretty bad at these things), I have not been able to keep it up mostly. Some did turn out to be good friends later but not the one I would really want by my side.

There are people you might meet in the train or just a friend's party and you can connect without a single thought. They are as imperfect as you are, they have scars and flaws which make them the people they are. And you feel the missing part in you is filled. That is the beauty of imperfection, it makes you perfect. Find the person who completes you who fits to your imperfection.

The Silent Dinner

Anu & Veer were having their dinner in silence like the many more dinners they have had since marriage. Still there was something strange today, the silence was eerie. Today the TV was also not blaring with Arnab Goswami shouting 'the nation wants to know' nor was the phone beeping with the usual WhatsApp messages.

Anu couldn't stop herself and broke into tears, as she walked away Veer was still at the table looking at the empty plates. In her bedroom looking at the big wall size wedding photograph, she just wanted to cry out louder. She felt hollow, a strange emptiness had hit her. She remembered the day Veer had come to her place with his family to meet her for the first time. She knew she liked him there itself and after a few days all were busy with the wedding shenanigans. She was happy, very happy. The picture on the wall recited the gala affair again & again. It has been eight months now and all has changed.

Nothing had changed actually, only today Anu realized that things would never be the way she wanted. She wanted to call Ma, tell her that what she told her was not true, things did not change with marriage. The day she walked into the house as a new bride, she wanted to make it her world. But it never belonged to her. She forgot that a marriage is between two people and she couldn't do anything alone. She wanted to do it all be herself, her fault. She was busy decorating the world which was falling apart, rather was never there, a mirage which she thought to be hers, her fault.

She remembered her first night with her life partner, she had heard friends how special it was for them and all they did was go to sleep. She couldn't tell this to anyone because Ma told things in the bedroom should remain there. It was a long day and he could have been tired, but still something felt wrong. Today she knew everything was wrong. The day she held his hand in New York, he just walked away. She was angry, humiliated, upset and the old school taught her that silence was more powerful than words but everyone was wrong. She wanted to shout to everyone that we all were wrong, things weren't solved by keeping quiet. She was told that the man would be hers if she would give him love, but nobody told her, why he wouldn't make love to her. She didn't know what was her fault and what she could do.

After these longest eight months of her life she knew nothing would change. If her flight to Singapore wouldn't have been cancelled she would have never known that Akash was the reason. She had seen Akash in the place she should have been. The bedroom she thought was hers was Veer & Akash's love abode. Veer's eyes had the glow she had been searching all these days for herself. She just asked "Why?" and Veer kept quiet.

She knew what she had to do now and the hollow was gone. She didn't care what Ma would say and what tauaji & chachaji would think. She wanted to live her life on her terms. There was no place for Veer in her life. The picture with both of them smiling still covered the wall but couldn't fill the emptiness of the house.

It was a special day!

She was lost in her thoughts, and he called her "Ashi". She looked at him, he was grinning from ear to ear. She asked him what happened and he said I just wanted to look at you. Her face glowed & all her worries were gone in a second, only he could do this to her. She doesn't remember when her best buddy became her life partner. It still feels yesterday when he asked her to marry her with the ring which shines on her finger. They walked down the road and there was a familiar silence, they had known this for years. The walk from the grocery store to their apartment on the next lane was mostly uneventful. It was only eventful when he would rush back to the store for the car keys he left at the counter or she would remember that there is no haldi back home and they need to rush back. Today after five years too when he calls her heart skipped a beat.

Married and living the same lives, eating endless boring dinners together, talking about world politics and listening to music arguing over the beats, this is what life is all about to Ashi & Karan. And they loved it, that's they chose when they committed five years ago taking pheras around the fire. Marriage is all about dal chawal for the next 50 years Ashi told Karan when he proposed to her. And he said just give me some chicken with that I will manage. She didn't know what to tell him, but he left no stone unturned to make her say the yes. And every time she remembered the day her eyes would well up with tears of joy.

Karan, the guy who just went on backpack trips getting up in the morning not talking to anyone for days, today woke up to see Ashi sleeping by his side. He never thought that anyone could tie him down to the institution called marriage and yet there he was with the love of his life every morning, drink black coffee with her, hate the bitter taste and love her sweet smile. The traffic didn't bug him anymore because she would sit by side humming the song on the radio. What had she done to him, he felt he was no more the guy he used to be. He still remembered the day she walked to Meera's party in that long flowy skirt with hair loosely falling on her face and shining danglers. Her eyes sparkling, her laughter filling the room, he knew something was different. 

She looked more beautiful today, her face was glowing more than ever and he knew it was him. There was somebody else, he was not the only one in her life now. He didn't know what would happen next. She was very uncomfortable, he held her hands and she looked up, she knew he will be by her side through this. They took her to the labour room, they didn't know how much time had passed by , she was crying in pain. They heard a cry and both of them laughed, their daughter was born. Today, they got another name to their relationship "parents".

Open letter to Someone

Dear Someone,

I am who I am. I don't want your judging, I don't care what you think about me. I don't care what others would think if I hold my friend's hand & give them a hug. If you think I care please think again.

I don't care if you don't understand my jokes, I have people who get it and laugh at it. Just because you find me funny (God knows why, the joke was on you), I am not an easy to get along with. Please don't complain about me not being nice to you, because I don't care. I can't put the face of 'Ms. Cute, sweet, nice girl' to make you happy. If I don't want to be friends and I tell you that, I mean it (Go fuck all the movies you saw which said if the girl says a 'no' it means a 'yes', they were day dreaming or did not know about my existence). You saw me laughing the other day with a bunch of people (they are my beloved friends), don't assume I would like to laugh like that with you. Dude I am not a nice person (mostly a bitch), so please don't come near me when I am grumpy you might see the face you will really not like. We don't vibe & we don't gel together nothing can force me to change my mind.

If you understand what I say without laughing unnecessarily to make me feel good (I can make from your face that you didn't get it, so please don't try). If I laugh on your face & you can laugh along with me, I like you already. If you can give me my space without questioning (I will tell you everything when I want) you got me right. If I shout at you and you understand that I am not always PMSing and I have bigger issues in life, you are getting closer. If you can keep your ego at bay when with me, and do the silliest things without a thought I love you. If you can beat me with your intelligence and make the best of conversations which can make me smile I can't stop I am forever yours.

Yours truly,
Friend

I'm committed to You!

Commitment is a very strong term and one of the most dreaded ones too. I will call it a wrong doing of our society, they made us believe that commitment is to the one you owe everything (your spouse). People are scared and commitment phobic when it comes to the decision of choosing your life partner because then you are entitled to spend your life with them, share everything with them and truthfully speaking talking to the other sex becomes a crime, it becomes an obligation does not remain a commitment any more.

One day a friend just asked me what commitment means to me (actually started with me laughing at his so called commitment phobic state). He told I'm committed to you because I choose to be by your side through thick & thin. I am committed to my family to protect them, towards my other friends for whom I will do anything I need, I can't just be obligated to be committed to someone who I don't want to commit to. On thinking over what he said I believed every word he said, it was so true. I cannot be committed just because someone is my spouse and people like us are termed commitment phobic because definition by the society states that. And honestly why only blame the society me, you everyone follows it blindly without asking the simplest of question "Why?". Because from childhood we are snapped at whenever we ask why because there are no answers to some questions. Trust me no questions are there without answers, we are just afraid to find the answers, or rather question authority.

Being committed to someone out of marriage is not breach of trust, commitment is not a crime. Every relation in our lives deserves our commitment, people we love and care for do need our commitments. Give every relationship the space and time to flourish and commitments will be heart to heart. Don;t let anyone tell you that this is wrong till they are able to give you a valid reason other than "log kya kahenge" (this is the most common torture in India). It is we who have to be the change to see the change, society is nothing but a bunch of us. Be committed to your work, your family, your friends & surely your better half.

Express Your Love

I came across this post a few days back and it really put me into a deep thought (though mostly find lost in my thoughts). This sparked a thought of unusual feelings within me. It said to show your love to your friends by kissing them & hugging them, building the bond of touch to communicate with people around you that you care, to break the societal barriers in the mind. I just loved it, honestly anything which asks change is something which excites me a lot.
I am what is called a touch averse person the one who doesn't like to touch people or people touching me. But there are some people when they hold my hand or give me that bear hug I feel happy for the day. And they are friends & family, my closest people on this earth. After reading this post, I actually re-emphasize that love needs to be expressed, not only to your so called "love" but also your friends. Hold their hands, hug them, kiss their faces make them feel you care for them. Laugh, cry, support and be proud to show your feelings because it is not a sign of weakness, embracing platonic relationships will give you some really good friends and some trusted allies throughout your life.

The society which teaches us not to show our emotions needs to learn that emotions are not a sign of weakness but the sign of strength and support from our loved ones & for our loved ones. Well said by someone "Together we stand, divided we fall" and the society actually plays the cards of divide & rule, they are capable to instill a fear in the minds of people like you and me that we can make or break your life, and we enter the vicious circle.

Show your love to your platonic friends and family & let others just go f*** themselves because next time you are in trouble it is the people who care turn up and not the ones who would just be there to give gyan. So break the so called rules live & love, let your emotions show the good in you.

The delight of doing something weird

We human beings just find happiness doing something, varies from person to person. For me it is a few things like music and blah blah (I don't want to tell it all). These are the things which I know would make me happy but there are some things which I don't do  mostly but it gives me a superior satisfaction doing it. Like going on a random shopping spree, picking random things (I just did it yesterday) and Wow! I was feeling at the top of the world to be precise. Many would say what's great about it most women feel like this, but not rue for all. I'm not the shopping types at all, I don't like to spend more than needed time for these activities, and of course I love the sale so this is not exactly the time for me to buy stuff and added to that it was my hard earned money (no gifts from anyone). When I said weird it's just not the normal you (not that shopping is weird, don't start fighting me). 

Letting yourself just be what you want to be for some time does no harm, it is good for you. Even the smallest things like listening to music or going on a drive can be just awesome. It just helps release the stress or something more. One of my friends the other day just said that she has probable forgotten to write I couldn't stop laughing for a while. Honestly I know her schedule is killing her but she really cant let that eat away her life. We all should find some things in life which just give us some delight or just some peace of mind, trust me some wise man had said "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy". He was much smarter even when we didn't have these pathetic work schedules and so much damn competition. First we spend all our time studying useless subjects which I really can't recall where are we using and then work from 9 to 9, recognition or no recognition this is not the end of the world. There is a better you who can do much better things than just working aimlessly or yeah to make money and so called being successful.

Whoever says that you need to work harder, they don't have a life themselves and don't want you to have one, please don't fall prey to this. Let's analyse what we are doing and look around for happy people what they do exactly to be happy. They find time for themselves.

PS: Mantra is to be yourself whenever you get time... Do what you love to do "Kuch to log kahenge logo ka kaam hai kehna"