A Girl born in India

 For starters this write up is not a take on feminism. I don’t like to call myself a feminist but rather an equal opportunity seeker.

Born in a middle-class family in the mid 80’s I was conditioned to become a teacher in my formative years. I used to love to play ‘Teacher-Teacher’ because the only profession I could see women in, reason being very simple- this job is not hectic, and you will be free by the afternoon to take care of your family. Isn’t the sentence wrong in every way possible, firstly being a teacher is not at all easy and I respect every teacher whoever had to deal with me & many more like me, secondly taking care of the family is not easy either, that is a full-time job irrespective of where you are, who you are; you are never free. As I grew up, I wanted to be a doctor, again for all the wrong reasons- one being saving human lives is important and this is the only job which could earn you respect. It is one of the most respected professions in the world today but choosing a profession just based on social status, is it worth it?

I wanted to become a journalist and my mother made a statement I cannot forget till date- who will marry you? Really is that what it boils down to. I am an engineer +MBA worked in world renowned companies, holding important positions. But all this in vain because it took me a long time to find a groom and post that the marriage ended up in an ugly divorce. And currently I am single which seems to not fit the societal norms & everyone I come across keeps telling me “You should settle down.” I have an objection to the terminology “Settle Down”. I am not unsettled, I fend for myself, I go out when I want, I read when I want, I buy what I want. By settling down do you mean to take away these small bursts of happiness from my life. I tried doing that, didn’t work that well.

By the above I do not profess to not get married or fall in love. You should do that, make mistakes, learn from them & move on. Learn to live to your will, live with a person who respects you & your work & not the one who says he loves you. Love disappears but respect & friendship and companionship stays. Another reason you should not get married is to have kids, if you really want to be parent adopt a child. Society wants you to get married, have kids and get stuck forever. Famous quotes “If not for yourself, think about your child how will he grow up without a father”. I not being married to the father of the child does not make him less of a father, does not take away his rights & does not absolve him of his duties. We are humans & we have the right to make mistakes, but those mistakes should not become a lifetime of suffering. Took me some time to get out of the shell but I dated after the divorce. I judged every person I have even spoken to because of that one bad experience. I learned a lot during this phase, and this helped me clear my head about my ask. I also made a few friends in the process. I don’t regret any of it. I am happy that I have grown up as a person, even if it is little. Still more to go.

I don’t want to get any special treatments at work for being a woman, I only expect you to give me the same respect & recognise me for my efforts. I do not want you to open the car door for me but accept what I wear. Please do not tell me how I should talk or what I should say, I know what I am doing. Please don’t tell me to get married or have babies, I know what I want. Please don’t think that I went out for that coffee because I am romantically inclined, I just like you, if you want to know what I want, ask me, I will tell you.